Northern Renegade Page 11

  “When I can muster the strength to move, I’m going to take that dress off of you.”

  Tansy laughed softly against him. “Unless you just have some particular attachment to undressing me, I can take the dress off now.”

  “Hmm. Now would be good.”

  She shifted and wiggled and pulled the dress up and over her head.

  “I can handle the rest.”

  She laughed. “The only thing left is my bra.”

  “Exactly. I can handle that.”

  Wrapping his arms around her, he unhooked her in the back. He slid the straps down her arms and took it off her. He realized it was the first time he’d seen her totally naked. Her skin was soft and smooth. Her breasts were full yet her nipples were a little on the small side, soft-pink eraser points atop her creamy mounds.

  Liam teased one fingertip around the flat areola and felt her quiver. “Tired?” he asked.

  “Content. You?”

  “Satiated...but a little hungry.”

  “I’m glad to hear you say that, because I’m a lot hungry. I’m starving.”

  Liam chuckled. Most women wouldn’t admit to having an appetite, especially a naked woman. It was refreshing. “How does dinner in bed sound to you?”

  “Decadent. Fun. Satisfying.”

  “Wait...I think you’ve already skipped ahead to dessert.”

  “Shut up and get our food. And can you give me a T-shirt, second drawer on the right side?”

  He levered out of bed, pulled out a T-shirt from the wardrobe and tossed it to her. “Thanks.”

  When Liam returned with the take-out boxes from Gus’s, Tansy was sitting cross-legged against the pillows and headboard. He rather liked that she’d opted for that instead of putting her dress back on.

  He passed Tansy a box and settled into the spot next to her.

  “I think this is where we’re supposed to exchange personal information,” he said.

  “You really don’t ascribe to a whole lot of social skills, do you?” She opened the lid to reveal bison pot roast with mashed potatoes and green beans.

  “Not particularly.” He opened his container, as well.

  “Well, for goodness’ sake, I won’t burden you with a lot of useless information about myself. God forbid that you might want to know something about me as a person and not just a convenient warm and willing female form who happens to be next door. There’s nothing quite as gratifying for a woman as knowing she’s merely a handy vagina.” She took a bite of mashed potatoes.

  “Why do I get the feeling I just said the wrong thing?”

  “Ya think?”

  “Let’s try this again. Why don’t you tell me about yourself?” The pot roast was delicious.

  “Maybe it’ll work better if you pretend it’s a military interrogation and you ask what you want to know. I, however, reserve the right to not answer every question. I think we’ve already covered name, rank and serial number.”

  Liam laughed. “You and Jenna are stepsisters?”

  “Yeah. Her mom and my dad got married when I was thirteen. My folks had been divorced for two years and I lived with my mom, but Jenna was there on my weekends and holidays when I was there to see my dad. We just sort of clicked. I had an older brother but I’d always wanted a sister, so it worked out even though things didn’t work out between my dad and her mom.”

  “That’s good that you and she stayed close even if things didn’t work out with your folks.”

  “Jenna’s mom is nice and she was always good to me, but she’s either on her fifth or sixth husband. I can’t keep up. It’s like she’s searching for something in someone else that she just can’t find in herself.”

  “What about your mom? She remarry?”

  “She’s been in a long-term relationship. Mom left my dad because she finally came out of the closet. She’s a lesbian. She and Dorothea have been together now for eighteen years.”

  He wasn’t quite sure how he was supposed to respond to that. “Oh.”

  “It’s all good. It was a bit of an adjustment at thirteen and kids at school can be really ignorant. Actually, people can be really ignorant in general, but you’ve just got to find the good things in life and let go of the rest.”

  Spoken like a true optimist. He wasn’t sure anymore if he was capable of finding the good when the bad was so damn prevalent. “There’s a whole lot of bad out there. Really, really bad. Sometimes finding the good is like looking for a needle in a haystack.”

  “I know you’ve seen a lot of bad.”

  “I’ve seen enough bad to last me a lifetime.” And dammit, he’d been instrumental in stemming the bad, that had been part of his job and he’d be damned if he could find the good in the way that worked, in no longer being a part of the checks and balances out there.

  “Then maybe that’s why you’re here now.” Her comment tapped right into his head. “There are just some things that are outside of our control. What about your folks?”

  “My dad died when we were kids. My mom never remarried. She’s okay but she’s difficult. She wants to manage everyone’s life. I stay out of her business so she’ll stay out of mine. I’ve got two brothers, a twin and a younger brother. And no, we’re not identical. We all went into the military.”

  “And now you’re starting a new phase of your life.”

  “It looks that way, doesn’t it? What about your life? You came here for a bit, what happens next?”

  “I came here to get some clarity and I guess accept that things didn’t turn out the way I had thought they would. I thought Bradley and I were something we obviously weren’t. I thought we had something we obviously didn’t. So, I’ve regrouped. I know a lot of it is me, but in some ways, being here has made a huge difference. The town motto is something about leaving behind what ails you and it’s true. There’s something very healing about this place. I guess it sort of bears out the finding the good and letting the rest go.”

  “If you say so.”

  She laughed. “I just did.”

  10

  TANSY FINISHED UP HER column and saved the file. She’d let it sit for a while and reread it before she submitted it via cyberspace. She’d never suffered these doubts as to the advice she doled out to others. But now she felt like a poser, a fraud, because, dammit, she was still so unsettled about Bradley and now Liam was on the scene. It had taken her all day to work through that column.

  And she may not have her personal business in order, but she could at least maintain some semblance of order in her home away from home. She went into the kitchen and had just run hot water into the sink when her phone rang. It was Jenna’s ring tone.

  “Hey, you. How’s it going?”

  “Are you sitting down?” Jenna said.

  Jenna didn’t sound upset but Tansy’s heart leaped into her throat. “Is something wrong?”

  “No, no. Everyone’s okay, but you might want to find a seat.”

  “Okay.” Tansy crossed the room and sank onto the couch. It seemed the easiest thing to do. Her heart was thumping like mad in her chest. “I am now. What is it?”

  “Bradley is here.”

  Tansy felt light-headed. She curled her fingers into the cushion, needing to grasp something, hold on to something. “Bradley? Here? In Good Riddance?”

  “Yeah. Merilee just called me so I could give you the heads-up.” Oh. Dear. God. “He’s at the airstrip center and Petey’s on his way to pick him up and take him out to you.”

  Petey, a part-time prospector and part-time mechanic, ran the “taxi service” in Good Riddance, which mostly meant he ferried people about in his Suburban for a token fee when needed.

  Tansy sat, thankful for the sofa beneath her, stunned. Bradley was here. He had made the trip cross-country to see her. It wasn’t as if he was just in the neighborhood and dropped by. He was here.

  “Tansy?” Jenna cut into her reverie. “Are you there?”

  “Yeah. I’m here.”

  “Are you okay?”r />
  Oh, yeah, that was the question. She wasn’t sure. “I think so. I don’t know.”

  “Do you want me to come out? I can be there in a few minutes.”

  Jenna was a sweetheart but this was between Tansy and Bradley. Whatever was going to happen, whatever needed to be said, needed to happen with just the two of them. “No. No, I appreciate it, but I don’t think so.”

  “Do you need to talk?”

  “Not right now.” She needed to pull herself together. “I need to organize my thoughts before he shows up, but I really, really appreciate the heads-up.”

  “Anytime. Call me if you need me. I’ll keep my cell with me.”

  “I appreciate it.”

  “You’ll call me after he leaves?”

  Tansy laughed, as much from nervousness as amusement. “I’m sure you’ll be hearing from me—probably before the taillights have faded. I’m going to run now.”

  She hung up and drew a deep breath. Forget about the dishes in the sink. Leaving the phone on the sofa, she hurried into the bathroom. While she rushed through brushing her teeth and hair and slapping on some makeup, her brain was running a thousand miles a minute.

  She didn’t know how she felt. Part of her wanted to see Bradley. Another part of her was dismayed. And what about Liam? Would he care? Would it make a difference?

  She pulled on the much-worn dress, the one in shades of lavender, that she knew looked good on her, that played up her eyes. She had enough feminine pride that she wanted to “present” well. She hesitated and then defiantly pushed her glasses more firmly onto the bridge of her nose. Bradley had always preferred her wearing her contact lenses. She might put on the makeup and dress, but she was keeping the specs. Liam thought they were sexy.

  She had just closed the door on her bedroom when she heard the sound of a vehicle coming down the drive. For all of her frantic thoughts and activity, a calmness descended over her. She sank onto the couch and waited. She wouldn’t anticipate him at the door. He could knock...and wait.

  The idea finally popped into her brain that she could actually refuse to see him. However, she didn’t want him to think that she was afraid to see him or too vulnerable or still licking her wounds. No. She’d see him.

  She heard his footfalls on the steps and then his knock on the door. Recognition rippled through her. The familiarity of his knock threw her for a loop, took her back to when they were an item. A sense of nostalgia and longing ripped through her. All the times she’d heard that knock before, all the good times that had followed. She shook her head, dispelling the memories. It was the past, water under the bridge. This was the here and now.

  He knocked again, this time calling out, “Tansy?”

  She didn’t call out to him in return. Instead, she rose to her feet and crossed the room. Drawing a deep breath, she opened the door.

  Bradley stood there...and she felt nothing. No anger. No wave of nostalgia. Just numb.

  He motioned Petey to leave. Tansy motioned Petey to stay. He stayed, his motor running in the driveway.

  “Hi, Tansy.”

  “Hello, Bradley.” His sandy hair was short and well-groomed, as always. Uncertainty and contrition shadowed his blue eyes. There was a small spot on his cleft chin—she’d always found it rather endearing that he couldn’t seem to shave without nicking himself there. Now, it was simply a thing—not endearing or otherwise. He wore a pair of pressed khakis and a collared light blue shirt—a combination she’d always found classy and sexy. He smelled like the Paco Rabanne he’d always favored and which she’d always found such an olfactory turn-on.

  Now, it just was. He simply was.

  Bradley shifted and she noted the Dockers on his feet. He looked well put-together, albeit a little haggard around the eyes. He’d obviously taken the time to change before catching a ride out with Petey, considering he would’ve been traveling for a minimum of half a day, probably more.

  “You look good. Alaska agrees with you.”

  “Thanks.”

  He shifted from one foot to another, as if unsure how to proceed. He looked beyond her, to the cabin’s interior. “Aren’t you going to invite me in?”

  She hesitated and then made up her mind. She didn’t want him in her cabin. She’d traveled more than a thousand miles to put herself in a place that didn’t hold memories of him, of them. And she and Liam had been together here. “No. I’m not.”

  She reached behind her, stepped outside and closed the door.

  “Ah. I see. You’re not going to make this easy for me, are you?”

  “It’s not about making it easy or difficult for you. I simply don’t want to invite you in.” And that much was true. She didn’t want him in her cabin.

  He nodded, reaching out as if to touch her and then dropping his hand to his side. “You’re still mad and I don’t blame you.”

  It had been, still was, so much more than simply being mad. Try searing, soul-deep hurt, betrayal. And she didn’t owe him any explanation and she certainly didn’t care as to whether he faulted her for it. Tansy shrugged. “I don’t care whether you do or don’t.”

  A group of chickadees dive-bombed a feeder to the right of the porch and an eagle circled in the distance. A slight breeze teased her hair against her cheek. She stopped herself from wrapping her arms about her waist and instead kept her hands by her sides.

  Bradley ran his hand over his head, his shoulders slumping forward. “Tansy, I know I hurt you. It was the most stupid thing I’ve ever done in my life.” He looked deep into her eyes, as if he wanted to peer into her heart. She kept that door closed. “I’ve lived with regret and missed you like hell since you left.”

  She simply looked at him, a detached part of her noting that his eyes were nearly the same hue as the sky behind him.

  He reached between them and took her hands in his, his fingers curling about hers. His touch, his skin, bore the familiarity of the hundreds of touches between them in their past. It shook her to her core. “I want you to come back with me. I want to fix things. I want us to get back to where we were.”

  She shook her head and disentangled her hands. She didn’t care how it looked, she wrapped her arms about her middle. “There’s no going back.” It was a declaration as much for her as for him. “There’s only moving forward.”

  He nodded eagerly, hope glimmering in his eyes. “Then let’s move forward together. We’ll see a couple’s therapist. We’ll work on it. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me and I screwed up big-time.”

  She bit the edge of her tongue, just to make sure she was fully awake. It was nearly verbatim every grovel-and-beg-for-her-back fantasy she’d indulged in when they’d first split.

  But this was no fantasy. This was real. Bradley was flesh-and-blood standing before her. Where was the sense of vindication she’d anticipated? Where was any sense of elation?

  Despite her off-putting body language, Bradley wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to his chest. He pressed his cheek to the top of her head. It was hauntingly familiar...and disconcerting rather than comforting. “God, Tansy, I’ve missed you.” He pulled back enough to stroke her jaw tenderly with his hand, his eyes drinking her in. “At least say you’ll think about it. Will you at least give me that?”

  She felt awkward and uncertain and a little trapped. And she heard the thrum of Liam’s motorcycle at about the same time it appeared.

  “I’ll think about it,” she said, trying to extricate herself from his embrace.

  He, however, wasn’t letting her go that easily—she supposed either figuratively or literally.

  Liam killed his engine and climbed off of his bike. He walked toward the porch, a marked contrast to Bradley. Liam, in jeans, T-shirt and work boots, was dark and hard.

  He looked Bradley over in cool appraisal and then looked away, clearly dismissing him. His eyes tangled with Tansy’s. “I could use a back rub after my swim. I’ll make dinner tonight.”

  Liam was definitely marking terri
tory and drawing his own line in the sand. And she had no intention of changing her current plans, which had been to spend the evening with Liam, just because Bradley had shown up. And there was a big portion of her that was delighted that Bradley knew he wasn’t the only game in town. “Okay.”

  Bradley’s eyebrows drew into a straight line as he frowned, looking between Tansy and Liam and then training his gaze on Liam.

  “Who are you?” Bradley asked with more than a hint of belligerence.

  Liam ignored Bradley. “Call me if you need me,” he said as he turned on his heel and walked away.

  Bradley looked back to Tansy. “Who is that guy? Obviously you haven’t wasted any time.” He had the nerve to look wounded.

  Things should have been crystal clear, but Tansy had never felt quite as conflicted as she did at that moment.

  When it was clear she had no intention of explaining Liam, Bradley continued. “I thought we’d have dinner together.”

  “I obviously have plans.”

  “What do you mean you have plans?”

  “Just that. I have plans.”

  “Tansy, I flew across the country to see you.”

  “Bradley, I didn’t ask you to come.”

  “Fair enough. I know I hurt you.”

  She nodded. He had hurt her.

  He rubbed his hand over his brow. “Okay, I’ll head back to the bed-and-breakfast and leave you to whoever he is, but will you at least sit down and talk to me while I’m here? I think we both owe it to ourselves and what we had to at least talk about it and try to work things out.”

  She hesitated, taking a minute to think. She didn’t want to just send him away. She couldn’t just send him away. She looked at his feet. “Did you bring some other shoes?”

  He looked at her as if she’d lost her mind. “Yeah.”

  “Come back tomorrow at eleven. We can go for a hike and talk then.”

  For a second he looked as if he was going to argue with her. She didn’t know whether it was the waiting until eleven or the hiking that he had issue with. She didn’t care. He could come back at eleven and they could hike and talk or he could sit around and then go home. He wisely decided to roll with her plans—she saw it in his eyes. He nodded. “Okay. I’ll be back at eleven.” He glanced at the cabin next door. “Who is he? What is he to you?”