Northern Renegade Read online

  Chaos erupted when they cleared the rotors, damn near the whole town turning out to welcome them back. Jenna, her eyes red and swollen from crying, embraced Tansy, holding on to her as if she would never let her go, her husband and their baby right there, as well. Bull, Merilee and Dirk all surrounded Liam. Merilee’s tears fell wet against his neck.

  “I’m fine,” Liam said. “It’s over.”

  Merilee nodded mutely, which spoke volumes for a woman who was always composed with an inner core of steel. He realized Tansy possessed that same inner core of tempered metal.

  Dirk clapped him on the back. “That was a hell of a trip, huh?”

  Bull stood silently, letting Liam know he’d be there when Liam was ready to talk, when the dust had settled.

  Surrounded by the jostling crowd, he felt Tansy’s gaze seeking him out. He didn’t acknowledge it, didn’t acknowledge her. It was time for each of them to move on...in separate directions.

  * * *

  TANSY SETTLED BACK IN the cushioned seat while Jenna worked on her nails. “I knew you’d break a nail, but I didn’t expect this. You wrecked your manicure.”

  “Jenna, do you know how crazy that sounds?”

  Her sister grinned. “It does kind of, doesn’t it?”

  Last night had been a whirlwind of activity and conversation. Merilee had done a great job of keeping the media at bay. Tansy and Liam had each released a statement that essentially said they each had no comment and that had been that. She’d spent a couple of hours on the phone reassuring her mother that she was fine and that no, her mom didn’t need to hop on the next plane to Alaska. Jenna had insisted Tansy have dinner with her, Emma and Logan and she’d been more than happy to bask in the safety of their family nest.

  Tansy hadn’t gotten back out to Shadow Lake until long past dark settling in. She’d seen the lights on next door but knew instinctively that Liam needed some time to himself. And she needed the night to herself, as well. She’d known as surely as she’d known her own name that they each needed their own space to process the past couple of days.

  She’d spent the morning immersed in catching up on her work and the afternoon being pampered at Jenna’s spa. Ellie had given her the best massage she’d ever had in her life and now Jenna was fussing over her nails. Admittedly, all the pampering felt good.

  “I don’t want to go back,” she said quietly to Jenna.

  “Then you can hang out upstairs with Logan and Emma-bug for a while and have dinner with us again.”

  “No. I mean I don’t want to go back to Chattanooga.”

  A smile blossomed and wreathed Jenna’s face. She dropped Tansy’s hand and circled the table to hug her. “You don’t know how happy that makes me. I don’t want you to go, either. It’s been wonderful having you here. I’ve been hoping and hoping you’d stay. We can talk to Sven about building you a place—”

  “I don’t want to stay in Good Riddance, either. I will if I have to, but that’s not what I want.”

  Comprehension dawned in Jenna’s eyes as she settled back in her seat and once again picked up Tansy’s hand. “Liam?”

  Tansy nodded. “Yeah. Liam. Do you think I’m crazy?”

  Jenna sat, gnawing at her lip, while she filed Tansy’s ragged nail. Jenna spoke slowly, obviously choosing her words with care. “I don’t think you’re crazy, but five days ago you thought you were still in love with Bradley. You know you and Liam just shared a traumatic experience and what you’re feeling could be...well, you know, kind of mixed up in your head.”

  “You make a lot of sense and those are valid concerns. At another point I would’ve agreed. But I had to work through my feelings for Bradley to see what was in front of my face. I’ve never been surer of anything. No doubts. Liam, and what I feel for him, feels right in a way Bradley never did. I finally figured out the difference between loving someone and being in love and when you have both...it’s just...” She petered out, not even knowing how to put it in words.

  She didn’t have to. Jenna’s smile showed she totally understood. “I get it. Trust me, I get it. And I can see it all over your face. So, how does Liam feel about you?”

  “Well, that’s still to be determined. He’s not an easy man to read and I wanted to give him a little time.”

  A frown niggled at Jenna’s brow. “Not to rain on your parade, Tansy, but I think you need to protect yourself.”

  She smiled like the fool in love that she was. “It’s too late for that, Jenna. Way too late for that. There’s nothing quite like being stalked in the woods to make you realize just how short and precarious life is. All I could think about was how much I didn’t want to die, all the things I had left undone. And telling Liam I love him, well, I can’t in good conscience leave that undone. All I know to do is offer him my heart. I hope he loves me, too. I think we can have a good future together. We work well as a team. For the short period of time we’ve known each other, I get him and I think he gets me. The only thing I know to do is tell him how I feel. I think he loves me. Maybe he doesn’t, but it still doesn’t change the way I feel about him. I damn sure hope he loves me because the other thing I know for certain is that he’s ruined me for any other man. No one else can compare to him.”

  “I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you, honey. And what’s the plan if he’s not buying into your plan? Will you go back to Chattanooga then?”

  “Nope. No running away, getting away. I’ll stay here and get on with my life. I just hope it’s with him.”

  * * *

  LIAM CAME IN FROM his after-work swim. Finally, things were settling back into a routine. Nothing had changed, yet everything had changed. He’d gone for his run this morning, shown up to work with Sven and moved forward to buy the property.

  He went inside, showered and had just finished dressing when he heard her knock at his door. He recognized her knock. Hell, he knew her walk, the way she looked when she was sleeping.

  He opened the door and she stood on the other side of the screen door, wearing that dress he liked so much.

  She smiled and he steeled himself against the way his body tightened in response. “Hi. Did I catch you at a bad time?”

  For a second he thought about saying yes, but instead he stood aside. “Come on in.”

  She smelled fresh and sweet and against his better judgment, he reached for her, pulling her into his arms, tight against his body. Damn, he’d missed her. The way she felt next to him, her smile, her scent, every damn thing about her.

  Wordlessly, she took him by the hand and led him to his bedroom. She slipped her dress over her head. She was naked beneath. He took off the clothes he’d just put on.

  Together, they climbed into his bed. There had been something close and intimate in the past night in the woods, when he’d held her wrapped in his arms and stood silent sentinel through the night as she’d slept. And now he told her with his body, with his touch and his kisses, how damn glad he was that she was still part of this earth. But he wouldn’t allow her to know how much she meant to him.

  Afterward, she propped on one elbow and traced a nothing pattern on his chest with her fingertips. He saw it in her eyes, knew it was coming but couldn’t do anything to stop it.

  “I love you.”

  Her words didn’t take him by surprise. Funny, but he’d known it, felt it before she’d said it.

  “What about Bradley?”

  Her eyes pierced him, calling him out. “Evasive maneuvers, Reinhardt. He went back to Chattanooga. Alone. I made that decision based on me and him. He’s a nonissue at this point.”

  They both knew Liam was in retreat-and-regroup mode. She waited. The next move was his. He wanted to tell her, he almost said it, that they could take it one day at a time, but that wasn’t fair to her. She was putting her cards on the table. He owed her the same.

  “Tansy, I don’t have anything to offer you. I’m just getting back on my feet, starting down a new career path.”

  She simply looked at him. T
hey both knew that wasn’t the issue. “Dammit, Tansy.”

  He pushed out of the bed and pulled on his jeans. He tossed her dress to her. Her nakedness was distracting.

  She pulled on the garment and sat up against his headboard. “I’ve decided to stay in Good Riddance.”

  “I haven’t asked you to stay.”

  “No, you haven’t. You also didn’t ask me to stay when that helicopter was leaving the other night. I stayed then and I’m staying now.”

  “What are you, some glutton for punishment, Wellington? I can’t give you what you want.”

  “And just so we’re on the same page, what is it that you think I want, Reinhardt?”

  “What I’m willing to give is what we’ve got. It works, but that’s not going to be enough for you, is it?”

  “No. You’re right. I’m not going to settle for half measures. I don’t care that you’re moody and ill-

  tempered and have the social skills of an armadillo.” An armadillo? “I can live with all of that, but I want all of the good parts, too. I want the part that you deny and keep under lock and key. I want the whole man. It’s the only way to have a healthy relationship.”

  “And I’m telling you I’m not a whole man. You want something I don’t have to give. Ask my ex-wife.”

  “I don’t have to ask your ex-wife. I know you. I know the heart of you. For such a man of courage, the notion of fully loving someone leaves you quaking in fear and denial. Whether you choose to be a whole man, well, that’s a different story.”

  Dammit. She made it sound so easy and there was nothing easy about it. “What are you going to do, Wellington? Move out with me to that remote location? How long do you think that would last? A month? Maybe stretch it to six? I’ll be gone for a week at a time. You’ll be out in the middle of nowhere alone. You’ll see me maybe six days out of a month. How does that fit into your plan?”

  She eyed him with cool disdain. “Do you think I’m an idiot? Of course I know that. And it actually sounds great to me. I like a certain amount of alone time. I can always fly in and out with the supply plane when I want some time away. It’s not like I’d be in lockdown.” She assumed the same stance she had at the sand line. “I want a partner, not a shadow or a hovercraft.”

  “You’ve got an answer for everything, don’t you, Wellington?”

  “Pretty much, Reinhardt. Those six days out of the month that you were home would be good, damn good. And I want a dog.”

  Why did she have to paint a picture that made it all sound so good? Why couldn’t she have just left well enough alone? “Jesus. Next you’re going to be throwing in a couple of kids.”

  She lifted her chin, her eyes unyielding. “In due time. I happen to think you’re good genetic material and would make a good dad.”

  A boy, a girl, one like him, one like her. And what about when the isolation and lifestyle got to be too much and he was way the hell more invested than he’d ever been with Natalie? Hell, he was already more invested than he was with Natalie. No. “So, what is this? A take-it-or-leave-it proposition?”

  “On the table.”

  “And if I can’t meet your terms, are you going to leave? Head back to Chattanooga?”

  “No. I don’t want to leave you, but I also like it here. I like the people. I love my sister and I can be a part of my niece growing up. I’m staying, with you or without you.”

  “I could come into town in between gigs. We could—”

  “No.”

  “I’m not going to be coerced.”

  “I’m just leveling with you.”

  “So much for your profession of love. You don’t get your way and suddenly you don’t love me.”

  She laughed and he’d be damned if he saw what was so funny. “No, it’d be nice and tidy if it worked that way but it doesn’t. I’m going to love you regardless. My heart didn’t leave me any choice in the matter. However, I still have a choice in how I live my life and I’m not settling for half measures.”

  It reminded him of that damn load of sand she’d had delivered and then drawn her line. “So, I guess you’ve drawn your line in the sand once again.”

  “I guess I have.”

  Damn stubborn woman. She’d see it his way in due time. “Then you stay on your side and I’ll stay on mine.”

  * * *

  TANSY REMINDED HERSELF that she wouldn’t actually expire from a broken heart. She’d hurt like hell but she’d survive. People did it all the time. And the damnable part was she didn’t think for a minute he wasn’t capable of love. Actually, she didn’t think for a minute he didn’t love her. And that wasn’t arrogance or self-

  delusion. The tenderness in his touch wasn’t just about sex, and it was something she didn’t think intensely private men like Liam Reinhardt shared often.

  But she couldn’t move the man past himself. She’d put it out there and the rest was up to him. In the meantime, she’d get on with her life. She was ever so tempted to cave, to give in, to take what he was willing to give, but she stood firm. She wouldn’t settle. Life was too short to settle.

  She called Merilee and booked herself a flight out. She had business to attend to in Chatanooga—namely closing out her life there and clearing out her apartment so she could make the move to Alaska. Plus, she wanted to spend some time with her mom. While she wasn’t as close to her dad, she wanted to at least have dinner with him. She was ready to move on with a new phase of her life.

  And a woman could always hope that the man of her heart would stop being an idiot and come through.

  She parked the FJ Cruiser at Jenna’s and her sister met her at the door. “Emma-bug and I will see you off. You want her or you want me to carry her?”

  “I’ll take her.”

  With a smile, Jenna handed over the flannel sling that went around Tansy’s neck and then placed Emma in the pouch. The sleeping baby grunted and nestled closer in the fabric, next to Tansy’s midsection, and kept sleeping. Tansy welcomed Emma’s warmth and weight against her.

  Together they walked down the street. Quietly, Jenna reached for and held her hand. “It’ll all work out in the end, Tansy. Give him some time and you know we’ll be waiting here for you.”

  “I know. I’ll be back in a month.”

  They walked into the airstrip office to find the regulars there—Alberta, Lord Byron, Dwight, Jefferson, Bull and Merilee. Liam wasn’t there. She hadn’t expected him to be there. Nonetheless, she had hoped. He knew she was leaving and he’d steadfastly kept his distance. He hadn’t answered her knock on the door last night when she’d stopped by to say goodbye. She supposed he figured they’d said everything there was to say.

  Merilee smiled and took Emma. “Here’s my girl.” She looked at Tansy. “We’ll have you all set up when you get back. Don’t you worry, honey, we’ll have a place for you to stay other than Shadow Lake.”

  Housing was an issue in the small town and while she’d enjoyed the accommodations at Shadow Lake, she couldn’t continue to live next door to Liam for a number of reasons. One being, the cabins at Shadow Lake were temporary and Skye’s folks were coming in for a visit in November. Plus, she wanted a fresh start and there were too many memories there. It would be too easy to fall into and settle for whatever Liam was willing to give.

  There were a couple of options on the table—

  sharing the apartment above Gus’s with Ruby, the waitress who was staying there, staying with Jenna and her family, and there were a couple of other things Merilee and Bull were working on. Of course, she was hoping it was a matter of none of the above and Liam came to his senses.

  “I know,” she said to Merilee.

  Alberta patted her hand. “It’s all going to be fine. I knew when you sent that Bradley fellow packing, you were going to be A-OK. No hooking up with him while you’re in Chattanooga.” She cackled at her own joke, coaxing a smile out of Tansy.

  “Not even a remote possibility.”

  Bull, standing quietly in the backg
round, as was his way, caught her eye. “Time, Tansy. Give him time. It has a way of letting things unfold.”

  Tansy nodded, holding Bull’s words close to her heart, finding comfort in them, even more than anything anyone else could say to her now. Bull knew Liam as well as anyone.

  Juliette came in the back door, Baby in tow. “Okay, we’re ready if you’re ready. There’s a storm blowing in but we should beat it out.”

  Tansy hugged her goodbyes and crossed the airstrip. She’d be back. She had no choice. Her heart was here.

  16

  “I OUGHT TO KNOCK the hell out of you again,” Dirk said, without any hint of animosity as he, Liam, Sven and Bull gathered around rough drawings on Bull’s counter in the hardware store. They were designing the main building for Liam’s survival camp.

  “Then you damn well better make it good, because I’m going to swing back this time.”

  Unperturbed, Dirk shrugged. “Well, hell, someone’s got to knock some sense into you.”

  “You’re trying my patience, Dirk.”

  The big man laughed. “You’ve got to be kidding. Like you haven’t been trying everyone’s patience for the past month. You’re like a damn bear with a sore paw.”

  “Mind your own business.”

  “It is my business. I have to work with your sorry ass and you are one miserable son of a bitch, and since shit rolls downhill, I’m catching yours.”

  Bull spoke up. “The man has a point.”

  Attempting to get back to business, Sven wisely changed the subject. “We should do what we did on Jenna’s place and build up with a little more room to accommodate family quarters.”

  Liam considered Sven’s suggestion. It’d be tight, but he should be able to swing it.

  And damnation, he missed Tansy. The woman haunted him. Her smile, her voice, the sex—he even missed their quiet talks while sitting around the fire pit behind the cabin. And she was smart. More than once he’d wanted to know what she would’ve thought about the plans—he’d have liked her input. But there was that line in the sand and she’d laid out the terms of crossing it.